Tuesday, July 28, 2015

(REPOST) June 20, 2015 - Can't Find My Happy Place

I've fallen back into my unhappy place lately.  I can say with certainty that it's about 99% work related.  It's just not getting any better.  Thursday I almost walked out.  Friday morning I almost called in sick.  And then Friday morning I burst into tears while talking to my supervisor.  A couple other people saw the meltdown and solemnly supported me in quiet ways, which of course just makes you want to cry more.

I know if I'm not going to leave there, I need to find a new way to deal with things.  I have to give up on the idea of changing things.  I have to focus on just doing MY job and staying alive on this sinking ship.  I've already found some small bits of relief and humor by spending a few extra minutes throughout the day with the people who seem blissfully unaware of problems.  I'm sure you know the type.  The ones who just always have a smile and can find humor in anything.  Oh how I wish I could learn to live like them.

Why don't I just leave there?  Believe me, I've been thinking about it more than ever lately.  A huge part of it is just plain fear.  I've been there so long.  Despite all the crap, I'm comfortable there.  I'm not the clueless noob, and haven't been for a long time.  I hate change.  I'm a person who thrives on routine.  There are also things like me having the insurance because hubby's work offers a crappier insurance deal.  Things like it being very close to home.  Things like having the days off to go help my mom, and give me some mental health breaks.  The twelve hour shift kill me, but I think I'd still prefer to do that and have my days off.  Then again, I've been doing 12 hour shifts for eight years now.  To change back to 8 hours is . . . change.  I already mentioned that change is bad.  (For me anyway.  lol)  I would prefer to just leave there and not have to work anywhere.  We could get by financially but we're doing so good now on paying off debts, and are going to be able to really start paying off the house soon.  I'm not willing to give up yet and dump that burden on hubby.

So, yeah, I'll be working on some new ways of coping now.  I'm not one to request prayers but man, any help I can get right now would be greatly appreciated!

In other news, Ty's 24th birthday was Wednesday.  We decided to wait till today (Saturday) to celebrate since we'd all be home.  We had tacos for lunch, and I'd made a cake for him.  He opened his gifts and seemed to like them.  But then he admitted he was feeling well.  He'd been lounging on the couch while he was here, which is normal for him.  But after eating he just felt like crap and decided to go home and take a nap.  I sent Pepto home with him and gave him motherly instructions to stop and get some 7Up and/or ginger ale.  He said he would.  I doubt if he did.  I'll text him later and see how he's doing.

Tomorrow morning we're going out for breakfast again.  This time it's a Father's Day get-together, again with hubby's parents.  The boys were going to join us but Ty's cancelled now, understandably.  Not sure if Casey will actually go or not.  He's anti-social like me, and he's sooooo not a morning person.  Hubby and I might head over to Kmart after breakfast, and might stop at Ace Hardware too, just to snoop around and see what fun things they might have.  I noticed a Green Bay Packers toolbox in the Ace sales flyer.  This particular Ace often has Vikings things (wOOt!) so we're hoping they have the Vikings version of that toolbox.  This Ace also has a nice little section of Yankee tarts and votives.  Why a hardware store would have Yankee tarts and votives, I don't know, but I'm glad they do.

That's about if for now.
How have you been?

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