Thursday, November 12, 2015

Nov. 12 - Haven't Had A Pity Party In A While

This is the bleak and bare 'ready for winter' view I have outside my window now that the fields around us have been harvested.  The grass is still pretty green because we've been having mild temps and rain.  This pic was taken a few days ago.  It's much more winter-like today, with heavy gray clouds, winds and dropping temps.  They're even talking about snow tonight and into tomorrow.  Most of that will be up in northern Wisconsin but we might still see some flurries down here in our area.  I'm rather excited about it!

I'm struggling AGAIN with the whole blog and journal thing, and with the crafting thing, and the YouTube haul watching thing.  I have no hobbies anymore, nothing that holds my attention and keeps me looking forward to something.  So I watch YouTube videos out of boredom.  I see all the fun things people are buying and all the fun things they're doing and I want to be part of something like that.  I'm finding now it's not really the crafting I want to be a part of, it's just being a part of SOMETHING that I'm craving.  I have no friends to hang out with in real life.  My online friends all have very different interests.  I'm just bored and lonely and needing something to occupy my time.

I'm just so bored!

Every idea I have gets halted with thoughts of "Why?"  Like, card making.  Ooh that looks fun!  But why make them?  Who are you going to send them too when you barely send cards to anyone for anything anymore?  Also, I like looking for, and buying cards.  So why make them?  Keep a journal and use fun stickers and tapes!  Fun!  Why?  Who's going to read it but you?  What does it matter if you have fancy pages?  It's just an excuse to buy those things.  Blog and share your day, your thoughts, build a following and make some friends.  Why?  You're not doing anything in your day to day life so what is there worth blogging about?  Who flippin' cares if you went shopping and did laundry today, and that it might snow tonight?  Take up the genealogy project again, see how far back you can trace.  Why?  Your something-or-other cousin Janet already has more information on the family than you could ever dream of collecting.  She has all the info and papers and pics to go with it, so why frustrate yourself?

See what I mean?  I'm not buying much wax anymore, so wax related posts are slowing down.  I'm not buying much that's interesting if I'm no longer needing to buy all the fun stickers and washi tapes and things for potential projects and journals, so those posts will dwindle away.  I'm not going anywhere or doing anything exciting, so posting is back to 'I cleaned the litter box today.'  Wheee.  So why post?  Because it's something to do.

SEE?!  It's a vicious circle, and not something as easily solved as people seem to think it is.

I've become needy.  I don't like it, but I admit it.

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