Here we are. New Year's Eve. I have nothing organized for this post, like lists or goals. I can natter on for a while though, about the year that this was.
2015 seemed to be a very scattered year for me. I felt like I was floundering in all aspects, and at best just getting by. I had a lot of low time this year, probably to the point that I maybe should have sought some sort of medical attention or counseling or something. I kept diving into different projects and interests, hoping it would be the next big thing to grab my attention. And each time I gave up, suffering miserable defeat in everything I tried, even though I was giving up before allowing myself to ever really get started. Like I said, I was scattered.
I know now that part of the problem, or maybe THE problem itself is that I have nothing to look forward to. I don't mean that in a suicidal cry for help way. No, no, no. I just mean that there's nothing in particular going on. My kids are grown so there are no kid or school related activities or goals to look forward to. There are no girlfriends in the picture so there are no weddings or grandchildren to hopefully look forward to. My job is my job and there is nothing new to look forward to there either. I've admitted I'm not going anywhere so I need to readjust my approach to the work things that stress me out so much. There is no room for advancement there, not that I'm looking for that anyway. I have no hobbies to distract me, which is why I was throwing myself into anything and everything, just hoping one would stick.
As we're about to start 2016, I don't see any of these things changing BUT I think I do have a better outlook about the situation. I'm very slowly learning how to get back into things like just sitting and watching a movie, or allowing myself to sit and play a video game without thinking there are 800 better things I could be doing. I'm starting to admit to myself that I do like these simple days, and that if I'd just live in the moment more I wouldn't be so worried about what's not happening.
I'm not a resolution maker, and not a big goal setter. I'm not going to proclaim in this post that in the year I'm going to do this, try this, start this. I might end up with a repeat of last year, jumping into things and quitting again, but hopefully I'll at least give myself more of a chance. Actually, I'm hoping I won't even feel the need to keep trying to find a favorite new hobby. I'm hoping for a mellow year.
The same goes for this blog. I'm constantly wondering which way I want to go with this, and whether I want to keep doing it at all. Several people keep telling me to just keep it as is, do what I enjoy as I enjoy it. I might go through phases of totally diving back into the wax world, and I might back off and only melt the occasional tart from Walmart. I might even disappear in fits of 'I quit!' again. And it's funny because, the thing I want is a hobby to occupy my time and mind, and this blog is very much that. Why can't I see that and accept it??
So in this new year, I'm not going to say there will be big changes. I'm just hoping for a more consistent, better mood. I don't think that's too much to ask for, do you?
How has 2015 treated you, and what are you hoping for in 2016?