Thursday, December 31, 2015

Natters - Dec. 31 / Looking Back

Here we are.  New Year's Eve.  I have nothing organized for this post, like lists or goals.  I can natter on for a while though, about the year that this was.

2015 seemed to be a very scattered year for me.  I felt like I was floundering in all aspects, and at best just getting by.  I had a lot of low time this year, probably to the point that I maybe should have sought some sort of medical attention or counseling or something.  I kept diving into different projects and interests, hoping it would be the next big thing to grab my attention.  And each time I gave up, suffering miserable defeat in everything I tried, even though I was giving up before allowing myself to ever really get started.  Like I said, I was scattered.

I know now that part of the problem, or maybe THE problem itself is that I have nothing to look forward to.  I don't mean that in a suicidal cry for help way.  No, no, no.  I just mean that there's nothing in particular going on.  My kids are grown so there are no kid or school related activities or goals to look forward to.  There are no girlfriends in the picture so there are no weddings or grandchildren to hopefully look forward to.  My job is my job and there is nothing new to look forward to there either.  I've admitted I'm not going anywhere so I need to readjust my approach to the work things that stress me out so much.  There is no room for advancement there, not that I'm looking for that anyway.  I have no hobbies to distract me, which is why I was throwing myself into anything and everything, just hoping one would stick.

As we're about to start 2016, I don't see any of these things changing BUT I think I do have a better outlook about the situation.  I'm very slowly learning how to get back into things like just sitting and watching a movie, or allowing myself to sit and play a video game without thinking there are 800 better things I could be doing.  I'm starting to admit to myself that I do like these simple days, and that if I'd just live in the moment more I wouldn't be so worried about what's not happening.

I'm not a resolution maker, and not a big goal setter.  I'm not going to proclaim in this post that in the year I'm going to do this, try this, start this.  I might end up with a repeat of last year, jumping into things and quitting again, but hopefully I'll at least give myself more of a chance.  Actually, I'm hoping I won't even feel the need to keep trying to find a favorite new hobby.  I'm hoping for a mellow year.

The same goes for this blog.  I'm constantly wondering which way I want to go with this, and whether I want to keep doing it at all.  Several people keep telling me to just keep it as is, do what I enjoy as I enjoy it.  I might go through phases of totally diving back into the wax world, and I might back off and only melt the occasional tart from Walmart.  I might even disappear in fits of 'I quit!' again.  And it's funny because, the thing I want is a hobby to occupy my time and mind, and this blog is very much that.  Why can't I see that and accept it??

So in this new year, I'm not going to say there will be big changes.  I'm just hoping for a more consistent, better mood.  I don't think that's too much to ask for, do you?

How has 2015 treated you, and what are you hoping for in 2016?

6 comments:

  1. You sound like you've got the lows under control now, which is good. Allowing yourself some personal time, like say... a baaaaaath or two *nudge nudge* might help with teaching yourself that some down time is good!
    I know I say I love reading about your life and anything you want to post but that always comes with the stipulation that you actually enjoy writing about it. If you're not feeling it there's no hurry or rush to find something. I do have to agree with your blog-is-a-hobby realization, though. See it and accept it, missy!
    A better mood is never too much to ask for! I can't do specific lists or goals for myself. It's always something generic like 'do better.' I guess that leaves it open to interpretation as time goes on and I change, and also makes it easier to cross off stuff. :) Not that I ever take the time to actually write my lists, mind you.
    I'd say 2015 was overall really good. I got to spend a lot of time reacquainting myself with my husband, then time with my family before going off with my hubby and enjoying a whole new world together. All I can hope for in 2016 is a lot of experiences to be able to look back on when Korea is all said and done.

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    1. Do you know how long you'll be there? I think you mentioned 2-3 years? Or is it not set in stone?

      Blogging is my hobby. Blogging is my hobby. It is okay to spend hours on blog related things. Blogging is my hobby.....

      Ya know, I got some money for Christmas that I *was* going to put towards a new camera, but since I've already dipped into that to get some new books I might as well see how much is left and get maybe one tiny over-priced thing from Lush. =P (Or some more reasonable BBW SAS goodies!)

      ~Deb

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    2. We're going to be here two years for sure but we can re-up for a third year if we'd like.
      Pffft, cameras are overrated >_> it's not like I picked up a brand new fancy shmancy one for Korea lol.
      I'm glad to hear that you finally got something from Lush! Something about that brand (probably the price LOL) makes me feel like I'm really pampering myself when I use it!

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    3. I don't know how long it takes for the UK site to ship but my US order should be here any day now. I'm really getting excited about it all now!

      I need to get a camera too. My old one is just frustrating me more than anything now. I thought I'd be okay with just soldiering on but . . . *grr*

      ~Deb

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  2. I love this post Deb. And I have a feeling I will be in your shoes when my girls are grown. As kids they are very much the little bodies that keep me going. Adam and I will have some huge adjustments when empty-nest happens. I like your "blogging is my hobby" mantra. And like Liz, I love reading your posts but I also want you to be happy and enjoy writing them.

    I hope 2016 brings you the steady comfort of contentment Deb. You are a fabulously witty and big hearted friend. I look forward to seeing what the new year brings your way. Happy New Year dear friend.

    P.S. Books, bubble baths and candles all together pretty much equal amazing medicine. I hope you get a Lushie bubble bar!

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    1. In some ways I'm anxious for Casey to move out and get going on his own. In other ways, I'm more terrified of the day he leaves than I was when Ty left. What will hubby and I do with just ourselves?! lol

      I still don't know how people can read in the tub. I'd be getting the book all wet, or dropping the device in the water. Maybe once I'm a bath soaking expert I'll progress to reading and candles.

      ~Deb

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