Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Read - Shadowland (The Immortals, Book Three)

(The Immortals, Book Three)
by Alyson Noel
339 pages

'Ever and Damen have gone through countless lives and fought off the world's darkest enemies so they could be together. But just when an everlasting future is finally within their reach, Damen is struck down by a curse―a dark spell separating him and Ever for eternity. Now sharing so much as a single touch could bring about Damen's death…and send him plummeting into the Shadowland, an eternal abyss for lost souls. Desperate to break the curse and save Damen, Ever immerses her herself in magick. And in her quest, she gets help from an unexpected source...a surfer named Jude.

Although she and Jude have only just met, he feels startlingly familiar. Despite her fierce loyalty to Damen, Ever is drawn to Jude, a green-eyed golden boy with magical talents and a mysterious past. She's always believed Damen to be her soulmate and one true love―and she still believes it to be true. But as Damen pulls away to save them from the darkness inhabiting his soul, Ever's connection with Jude grows stronger―and tests her love for Damen like never before…


I don't think I've reviewed books that I've given up on before, have I?  I always feel guilty when I give up on them too, like I should at least see it through no matter how bad it is.  But this book was horrible.  About halfway through I started skimming pages, hoping to at least just get the gist of the story.  After maybe five or six pages of skimming and getting nothing important I just gave up.  I found a story summary online just to see if the story hidden in the crap writing might have still be worth it.  Nope.  It didn't look like it.  I went ahead and read the summaries of the rest of the books in the series and yeah, I'm glad I quit when I did.  Sounds like it continues to get more complicated and ridiculous.

The first book in this series wasn't great but it was good enough for me to want to keep reading.  I'd thought (and hoped) the writing would get better as it went on and the author had more experience, but no, they were getting worse.  The writing is so dang weak!  It's vague and inconsistent.  It jumps all over the place.  One of the summaries said something along the lines of 'a lot of filler with very little story,' and that's SO true.  Things that don't make sense, things that come out of nowhere, things that contradict each other.  It's a mess.

Okay, so the end of the second book had Ever and Damen cursed.  Bad guy Roman had tricked Ever into adding her blood to an antidote Damen needed, and that made it where they can never be together in a physical sense.  Sharing their DNA will cause Damen to die.  Well of course it will.  Anything to keep the soul mates apart, right?  I hate that tactic in general, but this was about the dumbest version yet.  So now they claim to be frantically searching for an antidote to the tainted antidote, and some way to break the curse.  Frantically searching?  Huh, yeah, all I see is a lot of manifesting fancy cars and flat screen TVs, and googly eyeing each other, and going to school, and whatnot.  Then Ever gets mad at Damen because SHE is spending all this time frantically searching for a cure and all he seems to be doing is furnishing his house for the twin sisters he is now caring for.  What?  When is she doing all this searching when all she's been doing is snuggling on the couch with Damen pawing at her and talking sappy talk?

Oh yeah, those twins.  Ever first met them in Summerland, the magical place she and Damen visit sometimes.  They ended up coming to the real world at the end of the second book to try and help Ever save Damen.  Through Ever's endless bad choices, the twins lost their magic and are stuck here now.  Damen had already known them throughout many of his six hundred years alive.  They decide it's best if the twins stay with him while he and Ever try to find a way to get their magic back so they can return to Summerland.  Damen tells Ever about how they are witches, that their grandma (or aunt?) died saving them just before the Salem witch trials.  They are now stuck at twelve years old, even though they've lived in Summerland for hundreds of years.  They're twelve.  Yet the story carries on like they're newly adopted toddlers who can't be left alone.

Let's also bring the side story of Haven's sick cat and divorcing parents into the mix.

And let's not forget that Ever's Aunt Sabine, her legal guardian, is now insisting she get a summer job.  So she happens to sort of fall conveniently into a job at the magic shop, where she meets this hot guy and comes across an ancient, hidden Book of Shadows.  Oh?  Okay, maybe I see a connection here with the Book of Shadows being a spell book and the twins being witches.  That could be promising.  But I don't know if it ever connected because the summary I read didn't mention the twins.  Go figure.

I got soooooooo sick of Damen constantly touching Ever.  He couldn't say hello to her without brushing the hair from her face and trailing his fingers along her jaw, neck, collarbone, all while she gazed longingly at his luscious lips.  *puke*  And the writer's nonstop use of 'pressed my lips together' and 'squinted my eyes' made me want to hurl the book against the wall.

OH!  The curse is that they can't share their DNA, can't mix it up in any way, right?  At one point they wonder if the curse is real, if maybe Roman is just lying to them.  But how can they ever find out?  Oh, let's cut our hands and drip some blood into a dish or something and then add fire.  What?  Isn't mixing your blood in a dish still mixing your DNA???

So yeah, just a horribly weak and inconsistent story that I couldn't even finish.

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