I recently mentioned needing an intervention. I think you'll understand why as you roll your eyes and shake your head at what I'm about to Natter. You see, I'm playing around with card making . . . again.
LOL - I know, I know! Whyyyyyy do I keep doing this to myself? I've tried it several times and rage-quit each time. I see others doing it, and see what they make, and see that it really doesn't look all that complicated. Or I see crafting items while shopping and think 'Oh hey, I could probably make a really cute card with that!' And then I throw a bunch of money into the idea only to get overwhelmed when I actually sit down to create something, which brings on the rage-quit. Then I'm okay with my decision to quit, for a while, but gradually the urge returns.
Well I've been fighting it this time but I've also been buying a few things here and there *in case* I decide to actually give it a try again. Hubby's parents' wedding anniversary was last week. Leading up to it, I'd seen some wedding themed stickers at Walmart and decided I could whip up a simple yet nice card instead of buying one. When it came time to actually make a card, I was frustrated and overwhelmed again, and ended up hating the card I eventually made.
I bought a few more things along the way, and finally this holiday weekend sat down and played around, willing to allow some screw ups and wasted materials. And I made a gorgeous card!
I gave up for the day, and soon was feeling defeated again. Those old thoughts came back once again, like who do I think I'll be making all these cards for anyway? I send so few now in this digital age, and I'm pretty sure most people I do send cards to just toss them in the trash within days anyway. Someone had told me at one point to just make cards, put sets together, and give them as gifts for others to use. I've kicked around the idea of opening an Etsy shop too. But it always comes back to "Ohhhhh, I can't do this!" and I give up.
I *am* feeling that again after the disappointing second and third cards yesterday. I'm absolutely feeling like 'Ah heck, it's easier to just buy a cute card when I need one!' But I'm also thinking I need to just set the supplies aside for a while and come back to it. I don't need to get rid of these things every time I go through one of these phases. I'm trying to tell myself it's okay to buy things I see along the way and add them to the collection, so when I *do* feel like trying again I'll have plenty to work with. And with that in mind, I bought more things today while I was in Dollar Tree.
Do you see why I need an intervention?
Why do I keep doing this? Well, I'm pretty sure it's a distraction, a sort of coping mechanism, as to avoid being overwhelmed by other things. But when this adds just as much stress in my feelings of failure, why do I keep doing it? I'm also pretty sure it's just me grasping for something, anything, exciting to fill my otherwise boring days. I used to dump endless amounts of hours into video games. I can't seem to get back to that thrill anymore. Then the soap phase came and went. Since then, there really hasn't been anything that really excites and interests me enough to keep me occupied. I think about going back to soap making but then I remember all the hassles, like how it took over half of my kitchen, and how the bars were a sweaty mess in our un-air conditioned humid house during the summer. I've tried to just lose myself in video games again but our internet is so sucky most of the time that it makes gaming frustrating.
So yeah, we're back to whining about card making!